Week 8 Power Rankings.
This is the PR that was promised. It is late, so I spent way too much time on it out of guilt.
Week 8 of fantasy is also Week 1 of the NBA season, so I’ve decided to compare each team to an NBA team. Sorry if you don’t like the NBA, but it’s on my mind. Be happy that I’m doing NBA comps rather than Chicago Alderman (budget hearings start next week, get pumped!!!) I’ve limited myself to the NBA so I don’t have to look up the D-League's worst team to find a comp for Eric. (These are comps, they are not my NBA PR)
You’ll also see some numbers with your ranking*. I used Fantasy Pros rest of season rankings to find the Top 5, 12, 24, and 36 players at each position. (QBs cut off after 24, TE’s after 12). I used this to help guide my rankings, so I included it. hOw DoEs It WoRk?!? Figure it out.
CBS Sports has a Trade Value chart. I took the same players included in the rankings above and cross referenced the Trade Value Chart to give each team a total Trade Value. The higher the value, the more your team has to offer. Eric has 54. That is bad. CHEX DEM TRADES
*I spent a lot of time on these numbers and then didn’t mention them much during the PR. I’m trying to learn about Chicago’s budget rn and for real just got tired of looking at numbers...
1. Justin
Top 5, 3--- 5-12, 4--- 12-24, 1--- 24-36, 2--- Trade Value 180
I am the mother fucking Clippers. Lamar Jackson is contending for the best player in the league. Tyreke Hill, and now Davante Adams play the role of Paul George—superstar about to come back. Chubb/Carson is the best 1-2 RB tandem in the league and I somehow have Greg Olsen on my team now? If healthy the rest of the season I won’t start a player outside the top 24 at his position. Get Fucked rest of league.
BTW, have you guys watched the Clippers this season? Kawhi is on another level, and if things are going slow they give the ball to Lou Williams, who’s been feeding on backup pgs for about 2 decades. When George comes back they have the best 2 wing defenders in the league and they only have to play defense if Pat Beverly hasn’t already forced the PG into a turnover and/or the fetal position. MY CLIPPS.
2. Taylor
Top 5, 1--- 5-12, 4--- 12-24, 3--- 24-36, 4--- Trade Value, 187
Taylor is the Nuggets and I fucking hate that I’m not MY NUGGS. This team is led by a superstar Caucasian and a bunch of really good players. I think Taylor is a lock to make the playoffs, but there’s some cracks in the team. Kerryon Johnson is going to the IR, breaking up a great RB core, and Keenan Allen has been so bad lately Taylor is benching him. I don’t know how Cortland Sutton made his way to this roster—104avg pts—but it was a really good pick up. With a lot of decent WR’s maybe Tay can swing a trade with one of his QBs for an upgrade?
3. Tim
Top 5, 4--- 5-12, 1--- 12-24, 1--- 24-36, 1--- Trade Value 164
Tim’s DUBS! Tim has 4 studs and then…? Watson, Cook, Jones, and Gurley should get Tim to the playoffs, but a dud game from 1-2 of them could see him make a quick exit. I wonder if Warriors GM, Bob Myers, has thought of Tim’s strategy of filling out the roster with a ded, backup QB and an empty roster spot.
Sidenote on the Dubs; I’m loving Eric Pascall! The rookie from Nova can play. He’ll be a rotation player whenever the next Warriors title run begins.
4. Co-Owners
Top 5, 1--- 5-12, 6--- 12-24, 3--- 24-36, 1--- Trade Value, 208
This is a really strong squad without any defects. Nobody stands out as a super-star and Mike gives off some Mormon vibes, so the CoOwners are the Jazz. These sister-wives share a really strong squad, their depth at RB gives them the most trade assets in the league, and Cooper Kupp can lead the WR corp. I think they’ll make the playoffs, but I hope they miss out because they play the wrong RB each week. Who’s to blame?
5. Mitch
Top 5, 2--- 5-12, 3--- 12-24, 2--- 24-36, 1--- Trade Value 145
Mitch was HIS BUCKS, a flawed team propped up by the reigning MVP. However, now Carson Wentz will play the Giannis role and I think some losses are in Mitch’s immediate future. If Mahomes is only out a week or so Mitch should have no problem making the playoffs, but he better not rely on getting a win in week 12 because he faces me in with Mahomes on bye.
6. Jesse
Top 5, 3--- 5-12, 3--- 12-24, 1--- 24-36, 2--- Trade Value 157
This team is hard to assign an NBA comp. Jesse’s patience could pay off. Barkley and Fournette are a great duo, these rankings rated Michael Thomas as the best WR ros, and Drew Brees is now listed as questionable rather than out. I’m going with the Celtics? If Gordon Hayward comes back this season and plays like 3 years ago they could really make some noise! Same with Brees. Jesse is 3-4 with 7 teams ahead of him in the rankings. He should beat Drew this week, and still has Dave and Eric on the schedule, so a path to six wins is pretty realistic. I think he might make the playoffs! Lookout! Jesus, Jesse should prob be the Warriors with Klay coming back. (except if instead of winning 3 of the last 5 titles the Warriors lost in new, terrible ways every playoffs.)
Jesse is the CP3/Blake era Clippers.
7. Jason
Top 5, 1--- 5-12, 2--- 12-24, 6--- Trade Value 124
Jason has 5 wins and right now is in the playoffs. However, he has myself, Taylor, and Mitch left on the schedule. I think if any current playoff team makes way for an outsider it’s this team. Walking Douchebag Gardner Minshew has been good, but I’m not buying his staying power. Beckham hasn’t lived up to the hype, but if Mayfield turns a corner I expect Beckham will as well. Jason does have a lot of good players and is active in trades, so I’m prepared to eat crow on this one.
I didn’t give a team comp! I’ll say the Magic, if only because a lot of people seem to be higher on them than I am, but I could def be wrong.
8. Cha
Top 5, 3--- 5-12, 1--- 12-24, 2--- 24-36, 3--- Trade Value 166
Cha plays Eric in week 8 so he will have a 5-3 record after 8 weeks. But the rest of his schedule will present some obstacles. He still has Taylor, myself, and Tim; 3 of the top 4 teams in the standings + a scrappy Andrew. That’s a toss-up because I’m sure it’s hard to think straight when your opponent is calling you in the middle of the night to tell you what a piece of shit your are.
Cha will need Hopkins to get back into form to have a shot at the playoffs. The Spurs have a lot of talent and a past his prime star in LaMarcus Aldridge. I wouldn’t bet against the Spurs squeezing into a crowded Western Conference playoffs.. However, the Spurs also have Greg Popovic, and Team Cha has Cha.
9 . Andrew
Top 5, 1--- 5-12, 2--- 12-24, 4--- 24-36, 2--- Trade Value, 115
Chris Paul is leading an OKC team that will battle for, but just miss out on a playoff spot. Same with Aaron Rodgers and the Cripix Six. Despite Andrew’s mini-surge of late, it’s hard to see a team starting Corey Davis and J. Crowder every week making the playoffs. I could be wrong here though, Mark Ingram has had a great season and could keep it up with Lamar Jackson getting him 1st and Goal 8 times a game. Andrew spent big on T. Johnson of the Lions. If he’s good Conner, Johnson, James White, and Mark Ingram present an opportunity to upgrade at WR.
Andrew is also the Thunder because there is a chance he tries to trade his entire team at the trade deadline.
10. Dave
Top 5, 0--- 5-12, 2--- 12-24, 5--- 24-36, 3--- Trade Value, 103
Dave started the season as the Rockets with Chubb/Kamara leading a pretty good team. Then things went south and he started trading, and now he’s the Kings. Still has a stud in Kamara, some solid must-starts at their position in Hilton and Rivers, but there are just too many teams above him to make the playoffs.
11. Drew
Top 5, 1--- 5-12, 0--- 12-24, 5--- 24-36, 4--- Trade Value, 101
Ugh. Do I really have to talk about this team? His only guy in the top 12 at his position is Adam Thielen, and he’s currently ded. RIP. Drew is the Pistons without Blake. I don’t really want to think about them for the rest of the season
12. Eric
Top 5, 0--- 5-12, 0--- 12-24, 3--- 24-36, 1--- Trade Value, 54
A team without a plan. No stars, no depth, and little to trade. Owner who can’t be bothered.. Talking up decent player (DJ Chark/ Terry Rozier) like he’s a star. If you care about the NBA even a little you already know Eric is the Hornets.