A ? wish that A ? had not volunteered to do these rankings. My heart isn't really in it, but A ? will give it the ol’ college effort! Will probably end up like the last time A ? went to college…
1. Obviously Me. I’m sorry,
but this is not really a question anymore. I lost the number 1 pick David
Johnson and put up the most points for the season. I lost #1 QB Watson
before last week and then put up the second most points for the week. You
would think all of this would make me happy, but it does not. I have no
doubt that I have the best team, and I have no doubt I will lose to one of your
shit teams in the playoffs. Antonioni and Julio will get in a duel before
the championship week, both die, and then I’ll lose to Jason bc his garbage
squad somehow makes it to the playoffs. UGH. It's going to happen, I know it.
THING TO DO: I make you all this pledge; if you win and pick me to be co
owner I will kill myself inside of your apt or house. Your call.
2. Jesse. The only
other team to score over 10k points, JBOOG is sporting the sexiest qb tandem in
the league. Russell Wilson would be fuckin the league if he weren't savin
it for marriage. Big Carson Wentz (namesake of Carson Ridder) is out
there laying his big bone all over the league. Jesse has to be wishin he
cashed in on Diggs after the first few weeks. Some dumb donkey is
throwing him passes in Minnesota rn, I’m not even gonna look it up.
Luckily, Marvin Jones has come on strong, posting triple digits in each of his
last three games. I really hope it isn’t Jesse that knocks me out of the
playoffs bc he can just be brutal on groupme. Will just scream at me for
20 comments about how I sucked all year and something I did caused my downfall.
THING TO DO: Jesse has an abundance of WRs and should
consider offering one with Mixon for an upgrade at RB2.
3. Dave. He is a
lock to make the playoffs. A STONE COLD ABSOLUTE LOCK! His opponents the
rest of the way are a combined 9-18. He stole McCaffrey off Tay. He
got Fuller, Davis, and Parker off the waivers and all look like steals,
although Fuller is coming back down to earth now that Watson is hurt.
Brees and Rivers are solid qbs.
THING TO DO: Dave also has a ton of solid WR’s and seems
logical he should flip for a better RB play. That said, trying to trade
with Dave sucks. He’s going to get pissed and call you out on GroupMe for
being a “FUCKING IDIOT” and there's not much space to negotiate after
that. Just counter me, bro.
4. Jason. Jason faces
three other 5-4 teams the rest of the way and can control his own path to the
playoffs. He’s scored the third most points up to this point, but I’m not
sure I like his team going forward. Brady and Zeke accounted for a lot of
those points. Alex Smith is not going to finish as the #2 qb.
Hopkins and Hilton balled out last week but both have such shitty qb
situations. Peterson was a great pick up, and I like Mariota. Maybe
he’s better than I’m giving credit for, IDEFK.
THING TO DO: When I’m done with this I’m going
to offer Jason a trade involving Alfred Morris so that he has all 3 potential
Cowboy running backs, he should accept the trade.
5. Jesus I dont know.
Eric has scored the 5th most points, 500 more than 6th place
Andrew. However, he’s relying on C.J. Anderson and Chris Thompson at RB
after Le’Veon. Anderson just flat out sucks these days.. Thompson
started awesome but has slowly seen his touches decline to a mere 8 last
week. That can be mitigated by his solid QB play and the fact that
Le’Veon is so fucking good. (FUCK ME, WHY DID I TAKE DAVID JOHNSON
INSTEAD OF BELL). Andrew has proven me wrong, and will not be
finishing the season as automatic coowner. He doesn't really have a superstar,
just a lot of very solid guys that put up solid points each week. JuJu
Smith-Schusters name would be even more fun to say if it was actually JuJu
Schuster-Smith imho. The premise of Cha’s trade with me,
I believe, was that he thought he was secure in the playoffs and was taking a
gamble to win it all. Think that has backfired bigly. Not sure he
even makes the playoffs. At least he picked up Ryan Fitzpatrick and no
longer has to start 2 NE RBs. Oh wow, I forgot about Tim.
Tim’s team’s sexual predator comp is Kevin Spacey. Mike probably
should’ve just been ranked 5th. A.J. somehow didn't get suspended for
throwing a guy to the ground and then just wildly throwing haymakers at his
head. I do not know how that happened. Leonard Fournette seems
finally ready to play again (who won that trade?!?!) The Saints seem to
have enough firepower to allow Ingram to be solid even with UT Vol Kamara
getting more and more touches. I do not care about UT Football.
TIm, Mitch, and A ? went to Dickie Dogs to watch some college football last
weekend and I forgot how much girls in the south dress up to do ANYTHING.
Just spackle on 5 pounds of make up to go down to Double Dicks and watch their
team get beat by 40. Mike also has Gronk, and Larry Fitz. His team
is pretty decent. I think he’ll be the one to knock me out of the
playoffs.
10. Tay Cellar dweller Tay (nickname in high
school) is better than both Mitch and CoOwners!!! He has now scored more than
CHArn, Mike, and Twitch. 1.2 points!! less than the Coowners. His RB play will
get him out of automatic ownership. Kamara is straight ballin, and Miller
and McKinnon put up RB2 level points.
THING TO DO: Tay plays Elkins/Drew the last week of the
season...thats fun. I would try and watch the games with Drew and bench
his best players right before kickoff.
11. CoOwners finally get to run out Tom Brady
this week, but have to leave off Zeke. That hurts. Also, why is a
team fighting not to coown rostering a second K and suspended Josh
Gordon? I’m currently seeing 4 Q’s next to guys in their line-up.
They should trade me Tom Brady. They get to face the 2-7 Mitch and Tay
putrid sandwich around their week 11 match up with Dave.
THING TO DO: Not get upset and make some terrible trade this week
if they lose to Mitch
12.. MiTch. gOOd LorD ThIs TEam is AwfUl.
hiS bEsT playER is DesHaUn WatSON Who IS on iR. StiLL DoesNT haVe a
K. OuTsiDe of HIS byE wEEk K aNd TExanS D, He doEsn’T HAve a sinGLe
PlaYer in the ToP 15 at HIS PosITion. LuCkIly, He ALSo has ZeRo FAaB.
T
Thing to DO: SliT WrisTs in BathTub