Six months ago we gathered in Denver (higher than the Rocky Mountains) and watched one of the greatest Super Bowls any of us cared to remember. Wasn't that cool?! Since then lots of other cool things have happened; Elkins got married, Tom Brady was officially outed as a cheater, and Dave tabbed Andrew as Mike's co-owner.
Anyway with the draft order set and with me not having much to do at work, I figured it was a good time to get the pre-season PR out.
1. Dave
Hard to go with anyone else in this spot. Dave's the reigning league champion AND has the first pick in the draft.
2. Jesse
Last year's regular season winner and playoff mainstay, Jesse, takes the second spot. Jesse hasn't missed the playoffs since 2009 but is still without a championship. Is this his year? How could I possibly know that? We haven't even drafted yet.
3. Justin
Justin has managed to make the playoffs every year and has a league title to his name (2009). However it's been a few years since he had a dominate team, so he falls to the 3rd spot. What Justin does with the third pick in the draft in anyone's guess but I'm pretty confident we will see him make another playoff run.
4. Mitch
Feels like I should be higher up on this list when you consider what a great job I did on the blog, but I've never been one to boast. I'll be back in the playoffs and probably win some money.
5. Jason
After basement finishes his first two years, Jason won the league title in 2013 and last year got 7 wins out of a team while starting a couple slices of stale bread at QB. 100% chance Jason drafts QBs with his first two picks this season and somehow makes the playoffs with Kenny Stills and Jarvis Landry at WR.
6. Tim
Never has their been a more average Fantasy Football owner than Tim. The guy is the Jeff Fisher of Fantasy Football, hello 8-8! Even in our five team NASCAR league Tim is third! I'm not joking. I'll move him from 8th to 5th in the PR all season, while at the same time knowing he has ZERO chance of winning the league.
7. Drew
Drew and Cha are pretty much the same team. Early in the year they will impress and I'll have them both ranked in the top three. Come Week 5 they crash faster than a Boeing aircraft. Fuck both of them for making me think they are good.
8. Cha
Cha takes the number 8 spot because he never owned a Barry Sanders "Start Jacket".
9. Mike/Coleman
REALLY getting into the shit teams now. This is going to be a TOTAL mess. This team will not make a single trade all season. Andrew is scared to even open a proposed trade after dealing Brady and Gronk for the ICU unit at Good Sam; while Mike will spend hours carefully crafting trades that will land him your best two players for his worst 8.
10. Elkins
Taking on Taylor last season was a great cover for his Fantasy Football ineptitude. I honestly forgot how bad he's been. Elkins has NEVER made the playoffs and that's not about to end this year.
11. Taylor
Got his feet wet last season but now it's time for the big show; and it's going to be a 9/11 level disaster. Taylor wore a Laurence Maroney jersey during the Super Bowl last season. I can't wait till he picks him in the 3rd round.
12. Eric
In 2011 Eric finished 7th in the league! 2011 was also Shonn Greene's best year as a pro.